Positive Psychology: The 6 Habits of Happiness
Today I want to talk about a very special subject: positive psychology - the branch of psychology that deals with optimistic, positive feelings and attitudes that always add something good to our lives.
What is positive psychology?
Positive psychology is a movement within psychology that studies and analyzes “human potentials, motivations and capabilities”. The focus is on the pursuit of happiness, not mental illnesses, and it all started between 1997 and 1998 with an american guy named Martin Seligman.
Psychology has been focused only on mental illnesses, distortions, psychoses, traumas and the whole range of problems and disorders that can affect our lives. Which is, of course, an absolutely necessary thing to do.
But the focus was to take a person from a negative state to a neutral state, and the positive things in life (courage, happiness, peace, determination, persistence, compassion, brotherhood, etc.) were never looked upon as being worthy of a scientific approach. Well, that's the point at positive psychology.
Dealing with stress
Before heading into all the "how to be happier" talk, we need to talk about a concept that, once you embrace it, it can really change your life.
The way you deal with stress is more important than the stressful situations that really happen in your life. Or, to put it another words: thinking that stress is a good and minimally beneficial thing will make you really less stressed when something bad happens. Stay with me here, I promise it will make sense.
I'm not saying that the stressful situations that happen in your life are irrelevant. Everything that happens to us affects us, and sometimes it takes a lot of time to understand and admit the impact that a certain situation has had on us.
But thinking that stress is bad will literally and physically increase all the bad effects that stressful situations would normally have on your body. "When you change your mind about stress, you can change your body's response to stress", as says Kelly McGonigal in a video. Click here to watch itThis is an AMAZING talk, and I highly suggest you to see it if you have 15 minutes, I promise it is worth it.
In summary, if you think that stress is going to screw you up, the chances of it actually happening are increased. They do not, of course, but they encourage a lot. And what Kelly tells you in this talk is that you can start to view the stressful situations in your life in a different way. In a POSITIVE way!
When your body gets stressed - heart beating fast, rapid breathing, intense feelings, body shaking - he is trying to help you. He feels it when it's battle time.Your body is always working for you. And if your mind tries to give you a boost, you will surely be much better.
Happiness before success
Have you ever heard that "happiness is not the destiny, it is the journey"? You probably did. But let me make it clear: when it is said that you need to be happy first in order to have success in all areas of your life, we are not talking about a "fake happiness".
Contrary to popular belief, happiness isn't achieved by looking at the glass half full, smiling all the time, or always finding the silver lining. The idea that tells you that you need to be happy now, in the present moment, and really enjoy your life before you want some more practical and visible success is not asking you to suppress bad feelings or pretend that they don't exist.
The secret to happiness is allowing yourself to experience ALL emotions - the joy, the pain and everyting in between. Feelings don't last. By feeling more "negative" emotions, you're creating space for more "positive ones".
But the point is: good results, success, victories and more victories in all areas of a person's life are more difficult things to happen when a person is unhappy.
Success means having good habits, making good decisions and, of course, having a little luck. A life full of resources and full of great people helping and loving you doesn't happen all of a sudden. But a lot of us believes that we're only going to be happy after "something" happens. Buying a car, buying a house, having children and getting married, becoming a respected and well-respected professional... Do first, be happy later.
Good things don't happen that easily when you deprive yourself of happiness now, in the present moment. They are more difficult to happen when you are waiting to live your life - do you get the point? The problem is not your goals, but the act of conditioning your happiness to them.
Life was made for you to use all your resources well. Your life is going on all the time, without stopping, 24/7. What are you waiting for to be happy?
And remember: everyone has problems, everyone gets down sometimes and everyone (including your heroes and public figures that you admire so much) is a little crazy or suffers from one or another intense mental condition.
The Six Habits of Happiness
These ideas were taken from the book Slight Edge, by Jeff Olson, and the book The Happiness Advantage, by Shawn Achor.
Please note that there is no real change that can be achieved in this life with just a day or two of effort. Being happy and keeping yourself in a good mood - optimistic, open, attentive, receptive and grateful - is like a bath, my friend. You need to take it every single day.
Not only when you're in the mood, not just when it's easy or convenient. That commitment needs to emerge and be sustained by you every day.
1. List three things you are grateful for
That simple. It can be just inside your head, really thinking and concentrating on them, or writing in a notebook or in a virtual journal. It may be telling a close friend or even talking to yourself while showering.
The important thing is to start or reinforce the habit of looking for the good in your day. And as bad as it was, look closely and you will find something good in the middle of chaos. It can be something little, but that made you feel even a little bit of joy.
2. Write about a good experience for five minutes
This one is a more advanced level, but if you're in the mood, go for it. The idea is that you really write, this time. Take five minutes to remember and write down a good situation that happened in your day, whatever it may be. It may be small, it may be medium, or it may be monumentally large. Just write.
3. Meditate for 5 or 10 minutes
This can be done in many ways and, most importantly, is that you enjoy and minimally appreciate the process. You can download an app or you can just close your eyes and count 1, 2, 3 or focus on your breath.
Stay with yourself for five or ten minutes throughout the day, every day. Existing, noticing your thoughts and your body, noticing your emotions and seeing what happens. You don't have to think about anything specific, nor do you have to try to empty your head and concentrate 100%.
Just breathe. You won't always be calm and, truth be told, not always doing this will necessarily calm you down. Sometimes you're in the mood, sometimes you're not. Sometimes you feel like you're stepping on the clouds, sometimes you don't. The important thing is to repeat this exercise every day.
4. Do something random and kind to someone
Doing a kind act means many things, it depends on the situation. It could be giving up your seat on the bus or the subway, it could be getting water or coffee for your co-worker, it can be giving a nice and sincere smile to any person on the street, it may be telling the shop attendant that she has beautiful hair. It doesn't matter. The important thing is to be kind and to be everyday.
The more intentional and purposeful you can do this, the better. Do something cool for strangers on the street, people you know from afar, but who you never really talked to, people who are your friends, your family and, of course, yourself. Let the kindness reach a person every hour. Just do it. Reinforce your compassion and your affection towards other people like that, for free. Without expecting anything in return.
5. Do ten minutes of physical activity
Only ten. You don't have to become an athlete. Just walk around your block, go up and down the stairs, dance a lot about three or four super agitated songs and that's it. Go as far as you are comfortable with this habit, as not everyone has the same physical condition or the same level of love for sweat. But being active makes a lot of difference in our happiness.
You can do squats and push-ups, take a dance class every week, go swimming in a club pool, do yoga or pilates. There are lots of incredible things that may interest you. Just leave that door open to the possibilities. Having something that moves you and shakes you every day makes a huge difference.
6. Read 10 pages of a good book
This habit here is so powerful! And it is not that difficult. This is basically the same amount of time you should spend taking a shower or getting ready to go out, maybe. It is so quick to do that it is ridiculous.
But if this is a huge challenge for you, don't worry: read five pages. Or three. The important thing is to do it every day.
Choose cool books that really add something to you. They don't necessarily need to be self-help, but they do need to be intentional. If you want to enjoy good poetry, choose a good book of poems. If you want to laugh, read a great chronicle book by some humorous writer.
Add 1 habit at a time
Start by doing just one of these habits at a time, to make it easy. Do one of these habits for 21 days and then move on to another one. First choose what is the most natural and intuitive habit for you, and then just keep adding the most challenging!
Hope you all enjoyed this article! I know it was super long, so thank you very much if you stayed with me until the end!
Feel free to check on my other articles!
Comments